i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
