It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
