Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
