so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
