Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
