sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
