You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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