Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
