Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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