He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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