It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize