It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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