so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
