Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We have so much sex to catch up on
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
