y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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