Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
