Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
