Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
