I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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