better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
