at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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