I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
