I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
