I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
