I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
