Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She needs sedatives and a leash
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
