I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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