So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
