you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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