I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize