A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
