He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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