he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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