I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
