i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
