apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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