I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize