you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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