she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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