You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
