Porn is love you can see.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
