yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
