the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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