Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize