I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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