I feel great
I just peed on a car
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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