So drunk its hurt
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
