just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize