I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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