So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
