I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He did a backflip because drugs
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
