He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
