I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize