I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so let's talk penis.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
