oh god the rape fog is back!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
