chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
