I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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