i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Farmville is her only friend.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
