i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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