Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
