I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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