Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
