Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
