Non-Jews are for practice
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
