update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
