I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
