On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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