& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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