i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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