I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize